Reading Rapture Forums so you don’t have to

On Rapture Forums, David Reagan argues against competitors for access to the wealth souls of the differently-mentalled.

Even fundamentalist type groups have gotten caught up in cultic doctrines

“Even” indeed. By definition, surely.

“What is a cult? The typical dictionary definition is so vague and general that the term could be applied to any religious group”


Recognising that this might leave some understandable confusion in the minds of Rapture followers, he proceeds to define a cult. It seems that he is talking about defining cults as millenarian cults, but that bald definition might pose something of a problem, (What with them being the very essence of a millenarian sect.)

So there’s a list of attributes that define “cults” then a list of those religions that qualify and some that are “borderline” sects. The distinction rests on whether they have “an orthodox view of Jesus as God in the flesh.” The list of sects has:

..among others, the non-instrumental Churches of Christ, the United Pentecostals, and Catholics.

Cults always have some weird doctrines that are not Biblically based.

Hmm, nothing at all weird about these things selected at random from Rapture Forums:
then. The Ages as viewed from different standpoints , Scripture Numerics, the Tribulation 101 Science facts and foreknowledge from the Bible

These drawings and words seem to have been generated from a mindset oriented about 45 degrees from standard human thinking.

So, what do you call an organisation that has “weird doctrines that are Biblically based”?

Hmm, tough one. Maybe, it’s a “Rapture Forum”?

If you haven’t been enraptured

I guess there’s only you heathens (and Catholics, Protestants etc., basically anyone not a born again whacko) out there now because the godly will have all disappeared bodily to heaven, as today is the day of the RAPTURE!

Well the stunningly ugly site at said it would be today and couldn’t possibly be wrong because it’s got loads of capitals and everything. [Hat tip PZ Myers as always]

But weirdly, now it is today, they seem to have changed the date to a less precise “Fall 2009.” So there could easily be another couple of months left in which we have to share the planet with the as-yet-unraptured fundies.

Dont you just love it when they put the mental back in fundamentalist….

(side note: Will be home soon and will try to return to longer posts)

The horror….

fstdt is reliably hilarious. It’s like the old movie Being John Malkowitz – except that in the fstdt case, its a portal into the minds of people who are so barking mad that you wonder if there really are no mental health professionals in the USA.

As a side effect of indulging in giggling your way through a few quotes and following the links to the Rapture forums, the will to live can get vaporised.

It can make you despair for the whole human race. I start to wonder about the statistics. How many of these people are there per head of the global population? *shudder* Plus, you start adding in Islamic fundamentalists and Catholic fundamentalists, these numbers are looking pretty scary.

Well, don’t come out from behind the sofa yet. That’s just the religiously-inspired maniacs. There are plenty more non-religious lunatics where they came from.

Yes, I know about intersecting sets. I try to console myself with the thought that maybe all the conservapediacs and fundies and conspiracy nuts are the same people and that there’s only a limited pool* of them. (Wishful thinking. I think it’s called “denial” on Oprah.)

I came across one point at which the sets intersect in the rapture-ready thread entitled “Ever thought why we’re REALLY going to digital?” I saw the topic heading and tried to predict what the REAL reason for digital transmission would turn out to be. (I see you’re ahead of me here.) To usher in the end times, of course. I bet Jesus’s tv and radio sets were analog. It says so in the Bible, so it must be true.

But I was half-wrong. Although digital transmission is indeed Satan’s way to help bring about the end of the world, the main worry is that it lets the government listen in to all your conversations. (Spare a compassionate thought for the minor government employee paid to listen to the home lives of our own dear fundies, day in and day out. Death would be a blessed relief.) Through the speakers, which act as microphones….

Two words: Big Brother.
I’m not sure if this is true or not, but I heard if you plug a microphone into your speaker socket, you’ll hear sound coming out of it?
What do you all think about this? Is it true? It wouldn’t surprise me, but my question is “why”? I or my family never talk about anything interesting anyway. How do they keep track of millions of people? (from jaiu on rr)

Yeah, my friend tried it out and heard a strange static sound coming from the receiving end.
Also, get a loud speaker, plug it into the microphone socket, now speak into it, and it might record.
Why else would they be doing this?(from jaiu on rr)

Electrical devices do the electrical feedback things that they’ve always done – whether digital or not – and, just because a speaker can (sort of) act as a microphone, it must be part of a plan by some magically powerful “them” to eavesdrop on her family. …. Well, of course it must. What other conclusion could you draw?

The rest of the thread contains a mixture of apparently sane people trying to explain a few basic facts (about electrical devices and the difference between digital and analog) and more people for whom this little bit of rationality is so far over their heads that the saner commenters might as well have been speaking in Basque. Some examples of the latter:

I’m pretty sure that their plan is to watch us through our tv and maybe even tell us what to do. With an RFID chip installed in our bodies required to buy and sell they can just turn it off. The ultimate form of slavery and control.
I think going digital is somehow related to end time events.
All this has me worried, I think I am going to talk all my T.V.’s to the trash.
I know nothing about technology, but I definately believe everything that’s happening now is end time related (lifted from various comments)

OK, this stuff is just ignorant, rather than evil, unlike the “Palestinian babies are better off dead” and “Obama is a secret muslim Antichrist” comments that turn up all around the rest of the site, like the leaking dog turds that always appear on a field of snow.

But it’s not just a few simple-minded RR posters who are promoting digital-analog fear. It seems to be a fascinating component of a really paranoid worldview, so perfectly illustrated by The Truth and Light Ministeries site that I assume the site must be a parody.

(And yes, that’s how they spell it. The US-version spellchecker here is redlining it, so it can’t even be correct for US spelling. The odd word subliminally suggests a tv mini-series to me.)

This site claims that there are 2 reasons for the switch to digital: Reason 1 is that digital images can easily be faked. (Yes, everything used to be true before digital)

Undisclosed sources, experts on reverse technology have informed that any television set manufacture after 1995 has the capability not only to receive a broadcast signal, but to also send one. That’s correct, any television manufactured after 1995 already has a built in feature to send a broadcast signal from your living room of live images of what’s happening in your home.

Yeah, right. So, we are getting a video recorder that’s capable of broadcasting free with our tvs? We must be getting well and truly ripped off when we pay for camcorders, then, because they cost more than tvs and they don’t even let us watch tv at the same time. (My heart goes out again to any low-grade government functionaries forced to spend a working day looking at footage of people staring at “How Fat is your Celebrity Ice-dancer”, pausing occasionally to get a drink and to argue about shopping.)

I follow the “logic” of this argument. Apparently, fibre optics makes it possible, that’s why “they” want us to go digital. It turns out that the New World Order is to blame. Blimey, that New World Order gets everywhere and it’s apparently omniscient and omnipotent. (Maybe it’s god.)

Either the writer has no sense of irony, or else this Truth and Light Ministeries really is a spoof site – maybe a tribute site to the Illuminatus Trilogy – which is subtly undercutting its content with this final bible quote.

And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie

I am pretty impressed by the comedic potential of the link they have to Google video “The Prophecy Club. ” There’s one of a “scientist” explaining about Technology and the Mark of the Beast. (He’s a “scientist” so it must all be true.) However, despite the exciting title, the video redefined the phrase “excruciatingly dull” so I haven’t put a link.

This one (Exposing the Illuminati from Within) sounded even better for a chortle, given the presenter’s impressive list of demonic credentials, but the actual video disappointed by being too boring even for me to watch.

Exposing the Illuminati from Within. Part 2. Bill Schnoebelen was a Satanic and Voodoo High Priest, 2nd degree Church of Satan, New Age guru, occultist, channeler, 90th degree Mason, Knight Templar, and a member of the Illuminati. Bill shows how the conspiracy works and how it uses the Lodge and the highest echelons of power and technology to form a new world government.

Given that every single one of these paranoids is using computers and the Internet to spread their views, I would really hate to have to tell them a single basic truth about computers. You know, that little thing about them being digital.

* The best insult I’ve heard for weeks is “He got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t looking” So many opportunities to apply it, so little time.


The makers of the Rapture Ready Index are getting really quite upset about the prospect of Obama’s winning. (Make it so. Please, make it so.)

So upset that they seem to see Obama in a rapture-causing category almost all of his own.

…If Obama should win in November, I plan to issue the most dire warning I’ve ever issued during the history of this ministry.

That will be pretty damn dire then. Isn’t that their whole raison d’etre? Issuing dire warnings? And this will be the most dire.

I admit to being too dumb to understand the whole “dire warnings” thrust of the Index. Aren’t these people counting the minutes until they get raised up to heaven on a big cloud? Is their Index supposed to list bad things or good things, from their perspective?

In fact, if they really believe that an Obama victory will issue in the end of the world, then why are they condemning the “liberal” media for supporting him? Shouldn’t they be welcoming him for supposedly hastening their coming move upstairs?

Why are they supporting the emetic McCain/Palin combo, then?

(Well, not quite. They barely mention McCain. All their hopes seem to be on Palin, who is much scarier even than McCain to my godless self – and quite a threat to moose, wolves and polar bears, too, apparently.)

Of course, they manage to get in a sly insinuation that Obama is a mysteriously secret Muslim. This is utterly confusing, apart from obviously being the worst kind of nonsense, although it seems to be believed by a fair proportion of the people on their chatboards. How can such people both blame Obama for the words of his former Christian pastor and still see him as a Muslim? (Quite apart from their bizarre assumptions that “Muslim” is just a euphemism for “being a suicide bomber” and would self-evidently disqualify anyone from the presidency.) But, again, if they really believe this, shouldn’t they be welcoming it, following what I hesitate to call their logic?

Rapture Ready’s avid enthusiasm for the prospect of the destruction of humanity is expressed perfectly in another disturbing piece on the same page, which complains that the US is stopping the rapture by failing to support Israel:

The perfect prophetic storm is upon this last-time generation. To understand the darkly serious truth of America’s tinkering in the matter of forcing Israel to make human peace with its enemies, we must delve heavily into the relevant prophetic Scriptures.

(If only the US would force Israel to “make human peace.” ) They reckon that America and the UN are interfering in god’s plan for Israel.

…America’s and the Quartet’s (U.S., E.U., U.N., and Russia) attempts to force the making of a Palestinian nation upon land that is Israel’s by divine right.

I’m not going to be too snide about people with absolutely no education in history, let alone modern international politics. These are tough subjects and I am already marvelling that people as mentally challenged as the RR gang can write sentences and use the Internet.

I am going to challenge “god’s plan.” Either their god wants the world to be scourged of us evil humans or he doesn’t. If he does, but is too idle to do it himself, shouldn’t they be welcoming any potential anti-christ figure who fills the bill? If god wants the US to support Israel right into the jaws of Armageddon, why can’t he bloody do it himself?

Look, RR people. I wouldn’t dare suggest you try reading history books or anything. But there are plenty of other holy books that you could take as literally true. You could take the Eddas or the Mabinogion or the Baghavad Gita or the Dao de Jing (however they are spelled.)

I’m not saying that you still couldn’t do serious damage if you believed in any of these books as accurate prophecies but at least the rest of us would get a break for a few centuries while you worked up an appropriately life-destroying worldview.

Gifts that keep on giving

Spotting this link to a Christian Rock version of Guitar Hero on Mojoey’s site and thinking about the unfortunate brainwashing experiment child who is getting clothing covered with crosses (instead of skulls) on Rapture Ready, I decided to see what other christian mods of popular goods you could buy.

Hallelujah! In case you are worried that your dog may not be well enough versed in the paranoid interpretation of scripture, here’s a jacket she can wear, so that the smiting angels know to miss your bitch out.



I confess to being a little baffled by the logo, which looks vaguely obscene. The other rapture-ready gifts are just tshirts and fridge magnets and baby’s bibs with the logo. So, not very interesting.

But Google provides an amazing rapture-ready gift, in the form of true comedy gold. Among the boring t-shirts and fridge magnets you find as a result of a search for “rapture ready gifts,” I found this site that uses the word “gift” in an other than material way.

All gifts are for today and no gift should be lifted up above others. The purpose of spiritual ……

This is a site that uses the commercial appeal of hiphop stereotypes to promote its death-worshipping message to da yoof. (All my instincts and residual optimism about humans are shouting “Come on, this MUST be a spoof site” but this may be wishful thinking. )

The raptureready911 site – Title:Are you Rapture Ready?- has a menu bar with offerings like “Hookers for Jesus”; “Pimping the Church” “Satanic signs and symbols” and the “Truth behind Hip-Hop.”

The truth behind hip-hop seems to be found in

“Preacher plays Jay-Z song backward to reveal disturbing, satanic lyrics. Scary”

Scary indeed….. Mwa Ha Haaa… Satan’s trying the frightening backward lyrics trick again (TM Judas Priest, et al)

Satan must be really dumb. He hatches an evil plan to corrupt the world by hiding demonic messages in popular music. But he mistakenly puts them in backwards, failing to notice that only backward people Christian fundamentalists EVER play music backwards looking for demonic messages……..

How do you even do that with a cd player, anyway? It’s not as if you can manually push a turntable in the opposite direction. It must need a fair amount of familiarity with digital sound software. What a fool Satan is. It’s not just any fundies who can get the messages. It’s only the fundy sound engineers. I would have thought these were rarer than five-footed dogs, but I am forgetting the huge volume of “Christian Rock” that exists.

I fail to fight the impulse to click on the button that promises the revelations of “Preacher plays Jay-Z song backward to reveal disturbing, satanic lyrics. Scary” Blimey. Bugger it. I have to say LOL. Out loud.
Murder, murder Jesus” finally emerges from a few schrunch schcrun sounds. when a Jay-Z song is played backwards to a shocked congregation. The preacher says “Unbelievable.”

(Took the words right out of my mouth there…. I think he may be channelling me.)

There’s another link that opens a youtube vid in case you want to risk your own immortal soul by listening (Mwa Ha haa etc) There are some sharp comments on youtube, including:

This is the Dangermouse mash-up of the song from the Grey Album, so if anything Dangermouse has chosen which words to sample & play backwards. Jay-Z hasn’t chosen which words to reverse… but this video has given half of you illiterate R-Tards a wet dream.

(Ah, so it turns out that the rapture-ready sound engineers didn’t actually have the sampling skills to do this themselves. LOL again.)

The truth behind hip-hop is still eluding me, so I have to click on the link that says “rocawear logo is satanic” More you-tuve stuff. Shots of logos next to astrological symbols. Already ludicrous MTV-“style street gang signal” gestures juxtaposed with pyramids and then used to infer Masonic messages.

They are promoting some truly amazing stuff on this site (along with their own Christian rapper) the sounds of hell, for instance. I can hardly recommend it too highly.

The nature of evil

I know, I know. Mocking the people who post on Rapture Ready feels like hanging round the special needs kids and laughing at them.

But still. This is the most comically ironic thread that I’ve followed to its source, from the reliably hilarious Fundies Say the Darnedest Things, for – well – a few days at least.

There’s a Rapture Ready thread on the topic Are Skull Shirts Evil?

Evil? Can clothes be intrinsically evil? This could explain several of life’s mysteries.

Why, for instance, do the top buttons on the most expensive blouse I’ve ever owned pop open whenever I’m in a public place? Why does one in every pair of socks disappear in the washing machine. How can labels scratch weals in your skin, despite feeling as soft as toilet paper when you touch them? How can things that looked stunning on a hanger in the store make the wearer look like a dumpier and more taste-challenged version of the Hunchback of Notre Dame?

Realising that evil may indeed live in the hearts of garments can explain so much. I had previously had to rely on the working assumption that some clothes were under an RPG curse. But now, I’ve seen the truth. They are just innately bad. Probably manifestations of lesser demons or something.

However, reading Rapture Ready with attention, it seems that it’s not clothes in general, just clothes with skull motifs, that are evil. Regular member scapegoat says

It’s part of the “Culture of Death” our world is embracing. Homosexuality, abortion, etc….

RDY4HIM says:

…. From what I can tell, it is directly associated with the kids embracing the spirit of death. They obsess over it. Some are actually suicidal, some practice self-injury, but most are extremely depressed. They see death as a way out and look forward to it because they have no hope. These are the kids that I minister to on-line through Facebook.
….. there is a really cool line of clothing out at Mardel’s and maybe other Christian stores called NOTW (Not of this World). The look is very similar to the skulls and crossbones attire but with crosses instead. They have hoodies, t-shirts, shoes, jewelry, you name it. Very cool, and an awesome way for our kids ti witness. My daughter will definitely be getting some for her b-day.

Lucky, lucky girl…. What an awesome b-day that will be. (It’s not as if a cross has anything to do with death or anything.)

Lucky suicidal kids who get ministered to on Facebook, too. (Yet another reason for avoiding facebook like a biblical plague of boils.)

Some posters say it’s just a fashion, even “cute” in pink (Is there anything on earth that some people don’t think is cute in pink?) But most are predictably aghast – satan’s trickery, EMO death cult and all the rest of it.

Culture of Death, indeed. Let me get this straight:

Rapture enthusiasts = people for whom mass human extinction can’t come soon enough. I think that defines a death cult.

These are the members of a death cult, who see some clothes as evil because – wait for it – their decoration represents a death cult.

So they suggest that their fellow Rapture Xians replace death symbol A (skull) with death symbol B (a cross)

I bet that is sooo cuuuute in pink

Serious nonsense

Rapture-enthusiasts are using Google Ads. (I will, of course, be too polite to mention the irony that people who think everything true was written down a couple of thousand years ago will happily use the fruits of godless Science to spread their ideas.)

I found this ad link idly googling rapture. As you do. Well, you may do if you want a cheap laugh, anyway.

2008 is the big year now. Wow. It’s March already. There’s barely 9 months left. Don’t say you haven’t been warned. First, the “demise” of the United States is going to take place, according to Ronald Weinland, who “has been sent by God as His end-time prophet.” (It says so right there on the page.)

So, how does a country die? I am briefly distracted by this idea from the rapture talk. The US is huge. Maybe the US will just break up into 50 separate states. Or decide to join Canada or Mexico. It would take some serious Godly smiting to even do noticeable physical damage. A monster collection of tsunamis and few major earthquakes couldn’t do much more than dent the US landmass. An asteroid strike, maybe? Well that could do it, but I fear I’m putting ideas into Ronald Weinland’s mouth here.

I admit that despite the site’s offering a free download of this insightful work, I am completely unwilling to download and actually read it. So I can only go on the spoiler bit. This shows the book isn’t meant for me anyway.

This book is primarily directed to the people of the three major religions of the world (Islam, Judaism and Christianity), whose roots are in the God of Abraham. Ronald Weinland has been sent to all three.

The message is – US destroyed, last world war, over religion.

Billions will die! This time will far exceed even the very worst times in all human history.

Is there a hint of unseemly relish in that exclamation mark?

Well, I’m actually going to give this man the benefit of the doubt to some extent. There will certainly be wars over the next years. Religion will certainly feature in them. So far, so Dawkins.

How prophetic is the book of Revelations if it can be used to predict wars happening? Answers to that question are both “100% accurate” and “not very predictive.” I can’t believe there’s been more than a couple of years since the rise of the Abrahamic religions, in which there hasn’t been a war somewhere in which religion was involved. Other Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Famine, Plague, Death? They have been ever-present in human history too.

I follow the links to the Church of God PKG . That’s Preparing for the Kingdom of God, by the way, in case you thought it was short for Peking airport. (It’s Beijing now, anyway. I know.) The Ronald Weinman chap is its divinely appointed leader, of course.

Ronald Weinland, who is the pastor of God’s Church on earth, has also been appointed by the God of Abraham to be His end-time prophet to the world, preceding the return of Jesus Christ.

(I am distracted again, by the guy’s name. Even my rusty knowledge of German makes that definitely “Wine Country”. He’s pissed, isn’t he?)

Appointed by the God of Abraham? Did Yahweh advertise in the Times, pore over a pile of resumes, run some pseudo-psychological tests and hold a few gruelling interviews, then come up with this dude? Well, what’s the salary? So far, every book I can see for sale on this site is free. So, the income doesn’t come from book sales.

But, I read Ronald’s personal blog and he seems to be doing very nicely out of the enterprise, in terms of travel, at least.

Laura and I are about to return from a very successful trip to Europe. Last Sabbath we were in the Netherlands, and at that time I had to cut my sermon a little short as I was pretty worn out from the pace of activities I have been keeping ever since we returned from the New Zealand/Australia trip. As a result of pushing my voice in the Netherlands on Sabbath, I developed laryngitis and completely lost my voice for a couple of days. By Sabbath yesterday here in the United Kingdom, I was doing much better, but not well enough to give a sermon, so Wayne Matthews in Australia was able to fill in for me at the last minute.

Blimey, most Americans don’t even have passports. The Upcoming Trips aren’t as exotic but still barely a week goes by when he’s not off somewhere. You could probably cut half of the carbon emissions from flights just by keeping this man in one place.

Most of the areas my wife and I will be visiting will be in the U.S., but some will be in Canada and Europe as well. New areas will be posted when the scheduling has been fully set.

(Look, Ronald, I want your job. I can spout all the millenarian rubbish you want. Just give me the plane tickets and hotel reservations.)

He’s got to do this frenetic world-travelling, though, because:

“…. the 1335 days before the actual day Jesus Christ returns began on February 2, 2008.”

What a baffling way to express a period of time. Who measures time in 1335 day segments? Maybe that’s how Yahweh’s calendar works. It’s hard to translate into human. However, by the grace of Microsoft Excel, I can reveal to you that that makes the ACTUAL date of Jesus’s return …… 29/09/2011.

I am tempted to see if Weinamn has any US dates scheduled for 2009 -which would be a bit of problem as the US wlll apparently no longer exist then – but the schedule only goes ahead a few months.

I am now getting seriously interested in how much money they take. All this travelling must need some seriously big financial resources. I trawl the sites looking for instructions to send cash but it’s all about things like how to get your high-tech sermons on the Sabbath, if you are unlucky enough to live in Europe or far away from a church group.

All the same, there must be big money in there somewhere, but, worry not, Ronald is making sure it’s not misused… Look at his track record.:

Candidly, the largest scattered group, which is the United Church of God, is one that Ronald Weinland joined from its beginning and continued for nearly two years. But after exposing the misappropriation of $4.5 million by its leadership, the political practices of much of the leadership, and doctrinal laxity, he chose to resign.

Christian Confusions

Now the ongoing (eternal?) debate between Christians and Atheists is somewhat repetitive and some of the common arguments work along the lines that apparently Richard Dawkins (or Sam Harris et al.) are not Professors of Divinity so they can have no opinion on theology. Atheists quite rightly respond that most atheists know the holy scriptures of several religions better than that religion’s adherents. Another of my favourite arguments is that Atheists take the bible too literally and Christians know it is all allegory. I suspect, again, the Atheists are correct on this one…

With all that in mind, thanks to the wonders of Stumble! I came across some brain numbing posts on the eternally entertaining Rapture Ready bulletin board. Now, I know that I shouldn’t expect anything resembling intelligence on Rapture Ready, but this made me laugh out loud — it was part of a discussion about Mother Teresa, and followed a post saying she was a Catholic Nun: (post link — Emphasis mine)

Wow, I’m suprised and sorry to hear that. I thought she was a Christian. Look at all the things she did that the world would consider good and saintly. Yet, if she truely was not converted (I hope she was!), her good works were dead and ultimately filthy menstration rags before God.

Seriously. So it seems Catholics are not Christians. Some one really needs to let the Hitler Youth Pagan High Priest Pope know.

The rest of the thread is equally entertaining and well worth reading but I suggest you don’t have any hot drinks in your mouth at the time. It degenerates a little bit as more and more of the evangelicals start to declare Mother Teresa a “non-Christian” because she did not force conversions onto those she saved. Saved by Grace (author of previous bit of hilarity) posts:

I took a qick read at the article and it seemed that she isn’t in a very good place. But, I agree with you, only God knows if she truly repented and trusted Jesus. If she did not however, but believed in her own goodness, however many “good” deeds she did in peoples estimation, she could not have been saved.

To God be the praise and glory. If trusting in Jesus alone isnt enough for God, I’m going to hell faster than Hitler and Husine and the Anti Christ put together.

Which was quite funny, but not in the same league as this snipped from Eve_ann_Gelical (the clue is in the name methinks):

What good does it profit it a man if he is given a piece of bread for his stomach and to have his brow wiped ? Mother Theresa did not share the “gospel” of Jesus Christ with those she “served”, her own words declare she believed that there are many paths to God. You can feed a man a piece of bread but let his eternal soul headed for an eternity seperated form God by not telling him the Truth. She fed the flesh not the spirit. The flesh dies the spirit will not. Can you imagine the scene when those Mother Theresa “feed and cared for” meet her in eternity as they are seperated from God, they may ask her why she did not share the Truth with them that could have brougfht them knowledge of salvation of the soul, not merely the caring for thier since dead body. Heavy.

As for those who say she may have had a personal relationship with Jesus, which Jesus is that ? The Bible says there are counterfeit Jesus’…
As for good works, there are many Mormons, JW’s, Muslims and even atheists who do “good works”.

God Himself knows where Mother Thersa is and I am not the judge. But what I can judge is that the “gospel” she believed in was not the saving gospel from God’s Word. She left these people to their false gods, and hoped they would become “better” Hindi’s or Buddists etc. She was allowed a place in history in the lives of thousands and thousands and she wasted that gift by not seeking to share the salvation that is through Jesus Christ alone with those who crossed her path. I believe the Enemy of men’s souls was quite pleased that she fed the poor and left them to starve to death spiritually. And he may find it humourous that mankind finds her such a hero.

You know, if this is the standard of person who gets into Heaven, I am really glad to be an atheist. I can think of no worse hell than an eternity listening to brain dead, obsessive, nasty, simpletons like this. I wonder what these people, who seemingly spend their entire lives devoted to minute study as to what is required for entry into Heaven, will actually do if they get there? What will their eternity be spent doing when they can no longer preach and convert (or irritate, as I suspect is really the case) others to their crackpot cause?

Entertainingly, the crackpots Christians on Rapture Ready often quote scripture to prove their point. Out of curiosity I followed some of the quotes and found out they were completely irrelevant to the point being made. Try it yourself, it is really funny. In one bit Saved By Grace is trying to point to a quote which says that unless people are saved by Jesus their works are “unclean” to God and he links to a book of the Old Testament. Sadly, I suspect the true irony of his quotes are missed by Saved By Grace… (I suspect “Saved By Grace” is quite young)

Anyway, Rapture Ready almost pales in insignificance compared to the crackpot, obsessive contradictory nonsense spewed out in a web page titled ‘“Mother” Teresa – General Teachings/Activities.’ As an example of the things this site states:

She was instructing these staunch Hindus to pray sincerely to their own Hindu idols and she felt that if they did this, God would certainly not judge them! No matter how plausible from man’s earthly vantage point, when good works are conducted by unregenerate religious people, what is promoted is a cursed false gospel, encouraging the lost heathen to have hope in their false gods, even as they lay upon their death beds. In God’s eyes, therefore, the entire endeavor was a cursed one, and no Christian should have supported, assisted, or praised a work cursed by God!

While this may well be technically true, it seems to miss the whole point of “Christian goodness”…

[tags]Christian,Nutcases,Nonsense,Stupidity,Old Testament, Christ, Mother Teresa, Catholics, Evangelicals, Born Again, Rapture, Religion, Belief, Religious Idiots, Crackpots, Hatred, Philosophy, Society, Culture,Idiocy[/tags]

The bio-chip 666 of the Beast

I’ve been a proper hardcore atheist today, scouring the net for things not to believe.

And there really is a wealth of them. The problem is that this blog is so easily suckered into believing that spoof sites are real that it’s hard to credit that some of these exist. It’s quite tough to work out which rapture ready site is funnier than the next.

Well, with my back covered when this turns out to be an abstract joke and not just a scam, this site must be close to a winner. It’s called Bible Prophesy: Mark of the Beast. (I’ve put the URL despite my best intentions, just to prove this site exists.)

666: The Mark of the Beast

What is it? Many Christians believe the 666 mark will be a biochip implant to create the cashless society of Revelation 13.

Why is it so bad? All who take the mark will be damned by God to be cast into the Lake of Fire.

Why will those who take the mark be damned? I think it’s because God made Silver and Gold as honest weights and measures to be used as money! Money is NOT paper (which is a promise), not electronic credits, not chips, not a mark, nor a number!

The Use of Paper Money Violates All of the Ten Commandments

For more on the nature of gold and silver and why they are real money, please read my other site,

Without quoting any more of this,basically, it says the Book of Revelation predicts bio-chips that will be used to store ID details and serve as money. But, these are the Mark of the Beast and anyone who gets one won’t be a candidate for the rapture.

Phew, glad I haven’t got one then.

(In fact, it’s a probably a stroke of luck that my access to folding money is so limited, given how rapture-unready use of non-metallic currency seems to be according to this site …..)

Wait, a lightbulb moment! Anyone looking for a good defence for not getting the new national ID card can probably claim to be a follower of this belief system. Where do I sign up?

[tags]atheist, crackpot, gold, money, rapture, religion, revelation, silver, society, mark of the beast[/tags]


A quick comment for now. I have had the [mis]fortune to have spent a bit of time looking round some crackpot theist sites today and quite a few have had a cool little icon which shows the chance of the rapture taking place. There seem to be a few sources of these so all have different scores and methods of scoring.

One thing they seem to have in common, is the wording on the icons. It talks about the “Risk” of Rapture.

Now I may be being old fashioned, but doesn’t “Risk” seem to talk of a BADTHING happening? Shouldn’t these devout, church-going, anti-gay, anti-abortionist, anti-Rock and Roll theists be looking forward to the rapture?

Diving headfirst into the dark side

The things I do for you….

Intrigued by the concept of Gog in the last post, I had to google gog. I found a truly scary websmite. Contender Ministries’ “the Coming War of Gog and Magog” basically sees the world in terms of two camps – Israel and the West vs the Muslim world.

(And guess which side He is supposed to be on? No prizes, sorry. Though someone offered the Contender websmite a million dollars if they could actually prove that the Sodom and Gomorrah bit in the Bible meant homosexuality. They scathed the email writer.) Continue reading


Spurred by a post here that mentioned that some Pat Robertson followers have the date of the Rapture pinned down to a very specific 13 Sept 2007, I thought it best to do a bit of emergency last minute research on the Internet.

Rapture? Some of you will immediately think of a 70s or 80s (?) record by Blondie or the name of a current band. Get with the programme. It means Armageddon, the Apocalypse, and lots of other really Bad Things..

OK, I’ve already confused you haven’t I – human extinction and rapture? Not easy to see an upside, is it? Don’t fret, there are loads of websites that can only see the end of humanity on earth as a Very Good Thing.

I’m following Google here, which is a broad measure of the top ranking sites on a given topic. Number One with a bullet is Rapture (I just can’t bring myself to post a link) Continue reading