This part of the blog is a sucker for free newspapers. (Mainly because of a bizarre reading obsession that can be fed by repeatedly reading the words “Hot” and “Cold” on the bath taps, if absolutely necessary.)

But the previously unspotted City News that dropped through the door last evening was a free newspaper too far. It looked slick. In fact it looked like a tabloid version of the community news magazines that the local council persists in seeing as not being a waste of taxpapayer’s money.

The front page shows a full page colour shot of a man – looking like an Armani perfume model gazing moodily into the middle distance, brow slightly furrowed in Deep Thought. And there ias a mini-inset picture of Madonna. The heading splashed across this picture in about 60 point sans-serif is “Can envy harm you?”

(Hmm, I’m starting to get a mite suspicious now. )

On page 3, the continuation of the lead story revealed that the chap in question (now pensively holding his chin in his hand, while gazing into the middle distance) and his sister had suffered leprosy and worse since a childhood visit to Cape Verde – the result of witchcraft practised by a jealous relative. (That’s the “envy” and “harm” bit, by the way) Luckily, after he had spent thousands on doctors and witchdoctors and got no relief, prayer from the Universal Church of the Kingdom of God Help Centre put paid to that.

(I kid you not.)

No surpises that this free newspaper turns out to be a publication from an organisation called UCKG – a registered charity, no less.

The rest of the paper is basically full of tales of people whose illnesses – especially depression and suicidal thoughts – and problems were all cured by UCKG. Having an exploding mind; getting engaged 3 times to men who cheated on her; having a father who beat him senseless; baby who stopped breathing every ten minutes ; etc. Whatever the human tragedy… they were all sorted by UCKG.

Blimey, put that in your pipe and smoke it, atheist blogroll.

This UCKG certainly know their target – really unhappy people – and are going straight for it without passing Go but clearly collecting their £200 (at least) on the way.

I had to Google these miracle workers. (That’s not a real link I put in .extrawords. to stop it being a link, with the happy accident of making it say http://www.extrawords.uckg.org/.) It is a church headed by a self-anointed Bishop Renato Cardoso, founded in Rio thirty years ago, according to its website. It even offers a song-book but, disappointingly to those of us with a really sick sense of humour, this only shows the words, not the music.

Now, the over-used ROFL word is not going to appear here, except in passing. (Because obviously it is a funny publication. The relenetless accumulation of sob stories reminded me of Oscar Wilde’s remarks on Little Nell’s death in the Old Curiosity Shop.

“One must have a heart of stone to read the death of little Nell without laughing”

)

However, a dip into this world actually ends up quite disturbing. The idea that unsceptical people’s deep misery is being exploited to get adherents is blatantly sick. At the same time, you wonder how the rest of us can ignore the fact that there are thousands of people without any hope except the pseudo hope provided by this sort of thing.