Rapture-enthusiasts are using Google Ads. (I will, of course, be too polite to mention the irony that people who think everything true was written down a couple of thousand years ago will happily use the fruits of godless Science to spread their ideas.)

I found this ad link idly googling rapture. As you do. Well, you may do if you want a cheap laugh, anyway.

2008 is the big year now. Wow. It’s March already. There’s barely 9 months left. Don’t say you haven’t been warned. First, the “demise” of the United States is going to take place, according to Ronald Weinland, who “has been sent by God as His end-time prophet.” (It says so right there on the page.)

So, how does a country die? I am briefly distracted by this idea from the rapture talk. The US is huge. Maybe the US will just break up into 50 separate states. Or decide to join Canada or Mexico. It would take some serious Godly smiting to even do noticeable physical damage. A monster collection of tsunamis and few major earthquakes couldn’t do much more than dent the US landmass. An asteroid strike, maybe? Well that could do it, but I fear I’m putting ideas into Ronald Weinland’s mouth here.

I admit that despite the site’s offering a free download of this insightful work, I am completely unwilling to download and actually read it. So I can only go on the spoiler bit. This shows the book isn’t meant for me anyway.

This book is primarily directed to the people of the three major religions of the world (Islam, Judaism and Christianity), whose roots are in the God of Abraham. Ronald Weinland has been sent to all three.

The message is – US destroyed, last world war, over religion.

Billions will die! This time will far exceed even the very worst times in all human history.

Is there a hint of unseemly relish in that exclamation mark?

Well, I’m actually going to give this man the benefit of the doubt to some extent. There will certainly be wars over the next years. Religion will certainly feature in them. So far, so Dawkins.

How prophetic is the book of Revelations if it can be used to predict wars happening? Answers to that question are both “100% accurate” and “not very predictive.” I can’t believe there’s been more than a couple of years since the rise of the Abrahamic religions, in which there hasn’t been a war somewhere in which religion was involved. Other Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Famine, Plague, Death? They have been ever-present in human history too.

I follow the links to the Church of God PKG . That’s Preparing for the Kingdom of God, by the way, in case you thought it was short for Peking airport. (It’s Beijing now, anyway. I know.) The Ronald Weinman chap is its divinely appointed leader, of course.

Ronald Weinland, who is the pastor of God’s Church on earth, has also been appointed by the God of Abraham to be His end-time prophet to the world, preceding the return of Jesus Christ.

(I am distracted again, by the guy’s name. Even my rusty knowledge of German makes that definitely “Wine Country”. He’s pissed, isn’t he?)

Appointed by the God of Abraham? Did Yahweh advertise in the Times, pore over a pile of resumes, run some pseudo-psychological tests and hold a few gruelling interviews, then come up with this dude? Well, what’s the salary? So far, every book I can see for sale on this site is free. So, the income doesn’t come from book sales.

But, I read Ronald’s personal blog and he seems to be doing very nicely out of the enterprise, in terms of travel, at least.

Laura and I are about to return from a very successful trip to Europe. Last Sabbath we were in the Netherlands, and at that time I had to cut my sermon a little short as I was pretty worn out from the pace of activities I have been keeping ever since we returned from the New Zealand/Australia trip. As a result of pushing my voice in the Netherlands on Sabbath, I developed laryngitis and completely lost my voice for a couple of days. By Sabbath yesterday here in the United Kingdom, I was doing much better, but not well enough to give a sermon, so Wayne Matthews in Australia was able to fill in for me at the last minute.

Blimey, most Americans don’t even have passports. The Upcoming Trips aren’t as exotic but still barely a week goes by when he’s not off somewhere. You could probably cut half of the carbon emissions from flights just by keeping this man in one place.

Most of the areas my wife and I will be visiting will be in the U.S., but some will be in Canada and Europe as well. New areas will be posted when the scheduling has been fully set.

(Look, Ronald, I want your job. I can spout all the millenarian rubbish you want. Just give me the plane tickets and hotel reservations.)

He’s got to do this frenetic world-travelling, though, because:

“…. the 1335 days before the actual day Jesus Christ returns began on February 2, 2008.”

What a baffling way to express a period of time. Who measures time in 1335 day segments? Maybe that’s how Yahweh’s calendar works. It’s hard to translate into human. However, by the grace of Microsoft Excel, I can reveal to you that that makes the ACTUAL date of Jesus’s return …… 29/09/2011.

I am tempted to see if Weinamn has any US dates scheduled for 2009 -which would be a bit of problem as the US wlll apparently no longer exist then – but the schedule only goes ahead a few months.

I am now getting seriously interested in how much money they take. All this travelling must need some seriously big financial resources. I trawl the sites looking for instructions to send cash but it’s all about things like how to get your high-tech sermons on the Sabbath, if you are unlucky enough to live in Europe or far away from a church group.

All the same, there must be big money in there somewhere, but, worry not, Ronald is making sure it’s not misused… Look at his track record.:

Candidly, the largest scattered group, which is the United Church of God, is one that Ronald Weinland joined from its beginning and continued for nearly two years. But after exposing the misappropriation of $4.5 million by its leadership, the political practices of much of the leadership, and doctrinal laxity, he chose to resign.