A miracle for E-Bay

A piece of toast has miraculously appeared on a wikipedia image of Jesus.

miraculous appearnce of toast

miraculous appearnce of toast

God totals 2 Porsches

“It was a miracle I got out alive and I put it down to the power of prayer and God looking after me” (from the BBC)

said a 93-year-old former Pentecostal minister, who managed to reduce two Porsches and a Fiesta to landfill, while driving across the garage forecourt.

Hat tip to Alun for this link, with a shamefaced apology for not looking at my emails for days. Alun said:

Now was it a god, or was it lots of very tedious and difficult work by a lot of people working on safety that allowed that man to live?
On a more philosophical level, wouldn’t it be more helpful if god had whispered “Watch out mate, your about to crash into £60ks worth of Porsche!” *before* the accident or was it just that God wasn’t that eager to have the minister round to his place. If I had time I’d be tempted to set up a ‘Miraclewatch’ site.

There are obvious contradictions. If god has to be credited with the escape, then doesn’t he deserve any blame for putting the chap in danger in the first place? In fact, shouldn’t god take some stick for wasting a miracle on one specific careless driver when the world is awash with more deserving cases: the hungry, the sick, amputees?

It’s really eccentric of god to keep smiting some people and then letting them off at the last minute, to show off that he can, while continuing to smite other people – who pray even more earnestly – just for a cruel laugh.

But, in this case, I think there’s an explanation for god’s behaviour. The driver was obviously doing god’s will by driving in mysterious ways.

God just hates Porsches.

Pining for a miracle

In an uncharacteristic display of wanton scepticism, the RC Church has rejected a group based around the worship of a pine tree which is claimed to show an image of the Virgin Mary’s face, according to the BBC.

The Family of the Divine Innocence was founded by a jewellery designer from Surbiton after she saw a vision of Mary in a tree. She then started channelling messages from the tree/Mary, such as demand that aborted foetuses be baptised as martyrs. However, the RC Church’s Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith

was “not convinced” by the “substantial” content of the messages allegedly communicated to Mrs de Menezes.

Blimey, these messages sounded completely legit to me. I mean it’s not as if we don’t know exactly what Mary is supposed to look like, given the wide use of digital photography in the world ca 0 AD. So it would be easy for a holy designer of jewellery to recognise her instantly.

It would naturally be completely unlike the standard Rorschach-style thing every non-holy person does when they look at trees or clouds or bread. (See comment by no more hornets on GI food post here)

All the same the BBC was definitely cheating in the choice of picture on this story. It shows a picture of a Madonna and child icon, with gold leaf and attendant angels or butterflies or somethng. This picture carries the title “The tree is known locally as Our Lady of Surbiton.” Well, no. While I suspect that the tree may be called that beautifully bathetic name, I think you can be pretty confident the tree “image” looks nothing like the picture. You would definitely have to kiss your lifelong atheism goodbye if it turned out that anything looking remotely like a full colour painted medieval icon had magically appeared on a tree.

Anyway, shame on you, RC hierarchy. Once you start setting a lower bar for things to be too ludicrous to accept, who knows where it will end?

This atheist blog will boldly go where your sceptical RC selves fear to tread. Straight to the website of the Divine Innocence of course. You may think the images of El Morya look comically sickly-sweet. I defy anyone to look on this “baby Jesus with lamb” image without retching. You will be begging for the mildly sinister saving grace of the El-Morya Bin Laden visual undertones just for a bit of artistic complexity.

I couldn’t actually read the text right now. There is only so much you can face after a day’s work. So I am reduced to suggesting that if this picture epitomises the artistic flair of the designer, I ‘ll definitely know where not to go if I ever get struck with an uncharacteristic desire for jewellery.