Well after the doom and gloom which makes up most of the news today, thanks to FSTDT I have found something so funny, I am going to be laughing about it until 2009.
Basically, someone by the name of “Shelby Corbitt” has been prophesing that God told them the rapture would come in 2007. This is what was on the website titled “2007 Rapture – The Official Website.”
God revealed to me two things about the timing of the rapture. God specifically told me 2007 was the year, because I was only going to have from 3 to 3 1/2 years to spread the message after my book was published. It was published in June 2004. Then He showed me that me and my family were swimming in the swimming pool the day before the rapture. The fact that we were swimming immediately made me think summer. I was not sure if God was showing me summerlike weather or if He was trying to tell me literal summertime. Since literal summer ended on September 21st, God obviously meant it would be summerlike weather here where I live in Florida. It is summerlike weather here the majority of the year. This year 2007 we seem to be breaking all kinds of heatwave records. Our unheated pool is normally too cool to swim in past October. But this year we have stayed in the 80’s until now, which is mid December. Our summerlike weather just keeps hanging on. I can not control or manipulate the weather. It is in God’s hands. Once our pool water gets around 72 or 73 degrees we close it down for the year. Even if it stays warm enough to swim all year, 2007 is still the year of the rapture. The prophetic dream God gave me was about the rapture and how the rapture related to my own personal life and the town I live in. The prophetic message that I believe God wants me to share is that the rapture of the church (God’s children) will happen this year 2007!!
Now, I don’t know about you but I am fairly sure that we are in 2008 over the entire globe now – certainly in Florida! Poor old Shelby is still here and there are no signs the Rapture has happened – unles Odin decided that no one was actually worthy (and, given the retards on RaptureReady.com, who can blame him).
The part I like most reads “God specifically told me 2007 was the year”, because when you compare that to the more recent attempt at an apology: (mad-assed colours removed)
I STILL BELIEVE I RECEIVED A PROPHETIC DREAM FROM GOD ABOUT THE RAPTURE OF THE CHURCH IN 1986. I WAS SUPPOSE TO WRITE THAT DREAM DOWN IN A BOOK AND NOT SHARE IT OR RELEASE IT UNTIL GOD TOLD ME TO. I KEPT THAT DREAM TO MYSELF UNTIL JANUARY 2003. I HAD BEEN TERRIBLY ILL. I DID NOT THINK I WAS GOING TO BE ABLE TO RECOVER AND I ACTUALLY THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE. THERE WERE MANY PEOPLE PRAYING FOR ME. A WOMAN FROM CHURCH, WHO I DID NOT KNOW VERY WELL AT THE TIME, CALLED ME ONE DAY AND TOLD ME SHE HAD A WORD FROM GOD FOR ME. SHE SAID GOD TOLD HER TO TELL ME I WAS GOING TO LIVE AND NOW WAS THE TIME TO TELL THE WORD HE HAD GIVEN ME. THE NEXT MORNING WHEN I WOKE UP I WAS 1000 TIMES STRONGER THAN I WAS THE DAY BEFORE. I KNEW GOD HAD TOUCHED ME AND I INDEED WAS GOING TO LIVE.
Well this is interesting. There are only a few things that can have happened here, so I will try to list them:
- God spoke to Shelby but lied through his holy teeth.
- God spoke to Shelby but was wrong.
- God didn’t speak to Shelby who was just delusional. He never healed Shelby and any resultant health was down to more natural causes.
- God didn’t speak to Shelby who just decided to milk thousands of idiots for some money to save having to go to work.
I don’t know what is funnier, the idea that there were indeed masses of
fools people who bought the book and donated money to Shelby awaiting the END OF TIMES or the fact Shelby managed to fleece so many people, when if the rapture was coming, no one would have needed the money anyway.
Anyway, 2007Rapture is like the gift that just keeps giving. I can’t do justice to the nonsense and woo it tries to spread, so you really need to visit it yourself. Be prepared to laugh for months. Worth a special mention is the Messages from God blog part of the site, where Shelby gives you Gods Word of the Day. Tears of laughter. Thank you Shelby, may Toutatis have mercy upon your lying, conning, scamming soul.