It seems this managed to slip under our radar recently, but the ever-entertaining and educational Ben Goldacre managed to get himself a piece in the Daily Mail, where he points out the madness of homeopathic treatments and the gibberish provided by its adherents.

As always, pretty much everything Ben writes is spot on, but what is breathtaking is the weirdness espoused by the novelist Jeanette Winterson (she is arguing the case “for” homeopathy). It is a good example of how people willingly allow their own gullibility to over power any sense of reason they may have once possessed:

Picture this. I am staying in a remote cottage in Cornwall without a car. I have a temperature of 102, spots on my throat, delirium, and a book to finish writing.

My desperate publisher suggests I call Hilary Fairclough, a homeopath who has practices in London and Penzance. She sends round a remedy called Lachesis, made from snake venom.

Four hours later I have no symptoms whatsoever. Dramatic stuff, and enough to convince me that while it might use snake venom, homeopathy is no snake oil designed for gullible hypochrondriacs.

Wow. What an amazing bit of evidence. Homeopathy must work… Quick, rush out and buy as much snake venom as you can, distil it until there is no venom left and only water and we can cure the cold. Amazing. What are you waiting for!

Actually hang on a second, there is some more evidence, this time from me. Dateline a few weeks ago:

Picture this. I am lying in my bed, sick, coughing and lethargic. I have had the shivers for a couple of days now. The cold sweats are really getting me down and every bone in my body aches. I am at the point where I think I am going to die in the next few minutes. Eventually, through sheer exhaustion I fall asleep.

Four hours later, I wake up and I have no symptoms whatsoever. Dramatic stuff and enough to convince me that things like the cold and flu are short term viral infections which can normally be overcome by a reasonably healthy immune system. Also, when they are overcome, you actually get better.

Just goes to show, taking a homeopathic treatment often has the same effect as not doing anything at all. Colds and Flu are good examples. Even the medical treatments dont really “cure” them – things like paracetamol and phenylephedrine mostly just relive the symptoms and make it easier for your body to fight for itself. Often medicine, while making the symptoms much more manageable, will make the infection last a bit longer.

You see, homeopathy is actually snake oil designed for gullible hypochondriacs. Unfortunately, Jeanette Winterson is one of these gullible hypochondriacs.

It is also interesting that, in the best habits of homeopaths and their followers, Jeanette resorts to misusing sciencey-sounding words. “Nano” gets used a lot, even though it doesn’t mean what she thinks it means – mostly because “nano-particles” sounds cool and exciting and makes it seem like there is some actual research behind the crap.

Demonstrating a wonderful lack of scientific background, she writes:

Objections to homeopathy begin with what are viewed as the impossible dilutions of the remedies, so that only nano amounts of the original active substance remain.

Yet our recent discoveries in the world of the very small point to a whole new set of rules for the behaviour of nano-quantities. We are discovering that the properties of materials change as their size reaches the nano-scale.

In a solvent, such as water, nano particles can remain suspended, neither floating nor sinking, but permeating the solution. Such particles are also able to pass through cell walls, and they can cause biochemical change.

We do not know whether this has a bearing on homeopathic dilutions, but it may offer a clue.

Head spinning stuff. If only “nano amounts” of the “active” substance did remain, there may be some credibility in what homeopaths claims. The fact is, you can detect “nano amounts.” Nano amounts seems to imply a 1 part in 1×10^-9 dilution, homeopathic treatments are of the order of 1 part in 1×10^60 dilution. There is a huge difference (even ignoring the problem of the sign). She is trying to allude to quantum mechanics, but is doing so in a new-agey sort of manner which is, putting it mildly, nonsense. I have one message for Jeanette (on the off chance she ever reads this blog…): Stick to writing novels, if you really must voice your support for snake oil homeopathy, then please do so using your excellent command of language and literature; please do not try to talk science without learning a lot more.

Sadly, she is not alone in this range of mad ideas. In the comments, “Kate” writes:

I am a firm believer in homeopathy and have been for quite some time. Working in a medical environment, I have been an easy target for ridicule but I wish the NHS was able to include proven and well documented complementary therapies more than is available at present.

I hope she is lying about working in a medical environment (unless she is a receptionist or someone with no access to patient care). Ironically, the NHS is able to provide proven and well documentary therapies. The problem is homeopathy is proven to be crap.