Exhaustive scientific research has now shown that PR people can be replaced by a simple formula. The research indicates that you can always make the national news by inserting a few simple words in any story.
Just combine at least one word from group A with one or more from any other group.
Now go away and form your own PR agency.
Group A – Racing certainties
- Knife crime
- Health scares and/or Miracle cures
- Harry Potter
- Asylum seekers
- Political correctness (preferably “gone mad”, naturally)
Group B – Floaters
Temporary certainties but time-limited:
- Michael Jackson
- Joanna Lumley
- Swine flu
Group C – Old news
These may not always work, but could come through for you on a slow news day:
- Gun crime
- Mobile phones
- Islamic fundamentalism
- Christians not allowed to wear promise rings/crosses
- Princess Diana
Group D – Fillers
- Richard Dawkins
- The Pope/Archbishop of Canterbury/Bishop Sentamu
- Jordan/Paris Hilton/Amy Winehouse/Lily Allen et al
- Simon Cowell
- Teenagers’/women’s binge drinking
- Big Brother/X-factor/Britain’s got Talent/Dragons Den/The Apprentice/I’m a Celebrity, yada yada
Now, as soon as I work out how to claim royalties on this, I’m set to make Max Clifford look like a gifted amateur.