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Must-have products

Posted on 11th August, 2008 by Heather

The inflight sales catalogue, handed around on a need-to-have basis by the cabin attendants (who are bizarrely all wearing their hair in a bun style, if they are female. ) Blimey. Some of these items are magical. An ear vacuum cleaner?

A brand new and innovative way to safely clean your ears.

Just what I was looking for. I was getting so bored with the boring traditional methods of ear cleaning.

The Easy Ear Cleaner - It’s Easy.

Well, obviously, it’s just as well they repeated the easy word because I had initially assumed the Easy Ear Cleaner would be difficult to use but they pre-empted my concern.

There’s not much that could outdo that product. However, I am still impressed by the electronic bookmark.

This hi-tech bookmark and light is ideal for both avid and occasional readers alike!

Well, you can instantly see why you’d need an electronic bookmark. I mean, old-style low-tech bookmarks - involving actions like putting your bus ticket between the pages - were OK for expert readers who had mastered that tricky bookmark technology but occasional readers were often put off by the lack of an operating manual.

I am confused by this bit.

You can set the Bookminder to record the amount of time spent reading and it can even log which page you are on! Ideal for travel, sewing, hobbies or for encouraging children to read with the timer function

Obviously, it’s so important to log the amount of time you spend reading. You never know when the cosmic reading police will demand a full account of your time, of course. But, how exactly do you bookmark sewing?

Encouraging children to read with the timer function? Well, that is so obvious. I’ve lost count of the times when I’ve heard primary school teachers complaining that their schools are starved of the budgets for those encouraging timer functions that will bring about literacy.

This is quite impressive on first glance. Dream On - 5 pack I’m mentally transported to the world of Total Recall. Bah. There’s only one dream in it, as far as I can see.

Dream On! from the toxic twins, is a 5 night sleep on it detox program. Based on the principles of eastern medicine, it uses foot patches aka “sap sheets” that when applied to the soles of both feet at night, work to excrete excess toxins from the body.

That’s the dream of “detoxing”.

I love this product. Put plasters on your feet and the excess toxins will just ooze out of you. (Avoid the distracting thought of how a toxin can not be excess.) How does it achieve this miracle?

They contain all natural ingredients - known detoxifiers, including bamboo vinegar, tourmaline bio stone, eucalyptus tree vine & agarikus mushroom specifically blended to help boost the metabolism. They are non-invasive, discreet & work while you sleep. Clear in colour going on, they will change in colour depending on your levels of toxicity

What fantastically natural things. Bamboo vinegar. Tourmaline bio stone. Eucalyptus tree vine. Agarikus mushroom. And, luckily they are all non-invasive. Not surprising really, because I can’t think of a non-magical or non-nanotech way that they could invade the body through the soles of the feet. Otherwise, we would be constantly battling toxins from the dirt that would be burrowing in through the soles of bare feet. And having to undertake really heavy duty foot detoxing on a constant basis.

Hmm, what if you decide to err on the side of caution and wear them all day? (They are, after all, discreet. So, you could probably get away with wearing them without your co-workers asking embarrassing questions.) Would they be too effective and start making you shed toxins that aren’t excess? Would the toxins build up to the level that you have to vacuum them out of your ears. Or would you suffer the ill-effects from not being toxic enough?

Aha. I see a marketing opportunity. Fit them with a timer. Better yet, connect them by wifi to your bookmark timer. (Patent pending.)

Popularity: 9% [?]


Popularity: 9% [?]

Christian fun for boys and girls

Posted on 3rd April, 2007 by Heather

Following links from parabiodox’s - how can I put this? - unique site, I came across some really good Christian sites. Believe it or not. No, really.

(And before you say it, I’m not the fool for carrying on….. I know it’s not April 1 any more. )

I’m not talking about the normal entertainment value you can get from from reading creationist garbage and having a good chortle - albeit, tinged with fear. These really seem to be people who can extract the proverbial urine from themselves.

Ship of fools is a shock. It should probably be on the Atheist blogroll, were it not for the bulletin board that seems to be full of actual Christians. The gadgets for instance, like the dasboard Jesus, from Dogma or the knitted testament redefine tacky.

My temporary favourite is the cat baptising kit. Which seems to be being applied to the evil cat from Cats and dogs.

There is a section called the Fruitcake Zone that might as well be on the atheist blogroll because some of these links really are to the sites of people off the church bell-shaped curve of rationality. As the Ship of Fools site puts it:-

Here you will find the weird, wild and wonderful world of religious fruitcake, with websites that unwittingly put the “fun” back into fundamentalism. And the “mental”, come to think of it.

Related sites include the The religious adherence of comic book characters With an attention to detail that would shame Monk (the TV detective, that is, not a member of a religious order) someone has tabulated a million comic book characters and listed their religions.

They’ve had to strain the concept of religion beyond breaking point to include things like Alcoholics Anonymous, environmentalism, even atheism. (A fair number of the villains turn out to be atheists.)

Some characters like Thor and Hercules are even stuck with worshipping themselves more or less.

There are even linked pages debating the religion of selected characters at such length you may suspect the Bible is the condensed version of the book these would make.

You can spend hours here, being amused, infuriated and utterly baffled at the oddness of the human mind. As I said they are pretty damn good.

Popularity: 21% [?]


Popularity: 21% [?]