Must-have products

The inflight sales catalogue, handed around on a need-to-have basis by the cabin attendants (who are bizarrely all wearing their hair in a bun style, if they are female. ) Blimey. Some of these items are magical. An ear vacuum cleaner?

A brand new and innovative way to safely clean your ears.

Just what I was looking for. I was getting so bored with the boring traditional methods of ear cleaning.

The Easy Ear Cleaner – It’s Easy.

Well, obviously, it’s just as well they repeated the easy word because I had initially assumed the Easy Ear Cleaner would be difficult to use but they pre-empted my concern.

There’s not much that could outdo that product. However, I am still impressed by the electronic bookmark.

This hi-tech bookmark and light is ideal for both avid and occasional readers alike!

Well, you can instantly see why you’d need an electronic bookmark. I mean, old-style low-tech bookmarks – involving actions like putting your bus ticket between the pages – were OK for expert readers who had mastered that tricky bookmark technology but occasional readers were often put off by the lack of an operating manual.

I am confused by this bit.

You can set the Bookminder to record the amount of time spent reading and it can even log which page you are on! Ideal for travel, sewing, hobbies or for encouraging children to read with the timer function

Obviously, it’s so important to log the amount of time you spend reading. You never know when the cosmic reading police will demand a full account of your time, of course. But, how exactly do you bookmark sewing?

Encouraging children to read with the timer function? Well, that is so obvious. I’ve lost count of the times when I’ve heard primary school teachers complaining that their schools are starved of the budgets for those encouraging timer functions that will bring about literacy.

This is quite impressive on first glance. Dream On – 5 pack I’m mentally transported to the world of Total Recall. Bah. There’s only one dream in it, as far as I can see.

Dream On! from the toxic twins, is a 5 night sleep on it detox program. Based on the principles of eastern medicine, it uses foot patches aka “sap sheets” that when applied to the soles of both feet at night, work to excrete excess toxins from the body.

That’s the dream of “detoxing”.

I love this product. Put plasters on your feet and the excess toxins will just ooze out of you. (Avoid the distracting thought of how a toxin can not be excess.) How does it achieve this miracle?

They contain all natural ingredients – known detoxifiers, including bamboo vinegar, tourmaline bio stone, eucalyptus tree vine & agarikus mushroom specifically blended to help boost the metabolism. They are non-invasive, discreet & work while you sleep. Clear in colour going on, they will change in colour depending on your levels of toxicity

What fantastically natural things. Bamboo vinegar. Tourmaline bio stone. Eucalyptus tree vine. Agarikus mushroom. And, luckily they are all non-invasive. Not surprising really, because I can’t think of a non-magical or non-nanotech way that they could invade the body through the soles of the feet. Otherwise, we would be constantly battling toxins from the dirt that would be burrowing in through the soles of bare feet. And having to undertake really heavy duty foot detoxing on a constant basis.

Hmm, what if you decide to err on the side of caution and wear them all day? (They are, after all, discreet. So, you could probably get away with wearing them without your co-workers asking embarrassing questions.) Would they be too effective and start making you shed toxins that aren’t excess? Would the toxins build up to the level that you have to vacuum them out of your ears. Or would you suffer the ill-effects from not being toxic enough?

Aha. I see a marketing opportunity. Fit them with a timer. Better yet, connect them by wifi to your bookmark timer. (Patent pending.)

3 thoughts on “Must-have products

  1. The Bookminder looks like an overly complex contraption that would be hated by low-tech aficionados favoring paper books and yet would be useless to high-tech followers who favor ebooks. It seems to be one of those products that completely miss the mark. (At least the other ones could target excessively lazy or gullible people.)

  2. How many batteries does the Bookminder require? How often would I have to change them? If it requires too much maintenance, I may just have to stick with odd scraps of paper, envelopes and so on.

    I have absolutely no need for the detoxifier, as I am certifiably squeaky clean and toxin-free. :mrgreen:

  3. Chaplain

    Well spotted on the batteries.

    All these absurd gadgets (except for the dream patches) need batteries, making them even more of a waste of molecules.

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